I signed up for Facebook in 2004. Back then it was still new, and slowly opening up to various colleges across the country. I navigated the site on my trusty Dell desktop computer.
I noticed that an acquaintance of mine had joined a new group, something along the lines of “Hey Fatty Get Off My Treadmill.” The group description was full of hate, a tirade about how disgusting fat people are, and how they belong at home with their many packages of Oreos, not taking up space at the gym.
I’ve thought about this a lot in the last nineteen years. This hate group’s screed has stuck with me through several years of gym memberships, many hours of Jillian Michaels* workout DVDs, and too many months of dieting. I was working hard to make my body smaller, to earn their approval. I was going to deserve my spot on that treadmill.
Years went by and my weight crept up and culture started to shift just a little bit and I started to have some very radical thoughts, which is not something I expected in my mid-30s.
A list of radical thoughts:
1. What if my health and my body size are actually two separate things?
2. What if I started eating salad every day because it makes me feel good and not because I’m trying to lose weight?
3. What if I exercised just to get fit and not to lose weight?
4. Maybe I’m not the problem. Maybe the guy who started that group is the problem. Maybe the people who joined it are the problem. Maybe I can choose not to participate in their culture of fat hate.
I just started at a new gym this month. I am 5 feet 6 inches tall and almost 250 pounds and you will probably think I’m lying when I say this but I am not currently trying to lose weight.
But I still deserve to be here.
It’s 2023. I am the fat person on the treadmill. And I’ll be back tomorrow morning whether you approve of my body or not.
*I adore Jillian Michaels and her workout DVDs. More on that later.