Pertinent to my Interests

Ugh, I am so nervous about our upcoming trip to Japan.

It doesn’t help that we just have too much going on in June anyway. And the fact that we’re going to own exactly three properties while we’re on the other side of the world–oh, and two of those properties will be empty while we’re away. That’s a bit of a cause for concern, no?

And there’s the language barrier. And the jet lag. And the flight over the Pacific. And the possibility of illness or injury while in a foreign country. And the possibility of a cat experiencing grave illness or injury while we are in a foreign country.

I could go on, but I don’t need to. The real heart of the problem is that I am not built to be away from home.

I love home; home is the best. I know where to find the scissors and where the best spot on the couch is. I can do laundry whenever I want. My cats are here, my kids are here, my husband is here.

Being not at home is terrible. There are people and they might look at me. They might greet me. A car might come down the street, or a plane might fly overhead. I might not be able to find the kind of bread my kids like at the store, and while I’m there I might have an awkward social interaction.

I suspect that this is what other people enjoy about going out and doing things: the excitement of the unanticipated.

Not me. I need to be able to anticipate everything. I frequently play out conversations in my head before I have them. I fret about the people around me and the emotions they might be having. I do not like surprises, even good ones.

All of these difficulties are, of course, magnified in a foreign country. I’ve practiced ordering coffee and ice cream, but I still can’t anticipate what it will be like to actually order food in a restaurant in Japan. I don’t know what the locals are going to be thinking about me and my family when we’re trying to navigate the Tokyo public transit system. And then there’s the issue of my limited language skills. Sumimasen! Wakarimasen!

All of this to say: can I blame my being a shitty traveler on undiagnosed neurodivergence? It seems like all of my peers are getting late-in-life neurodivergence diagnoses, and to be honest it makes me want to roll my eyes a little. If 50% of people in a generation have an ADHD diagnosis, then is it really a thing that needs to be diagnosed? On the other hand, I’ve long wondered about my own neurodivergence, and the longer I am alive the more I start to inspect the components of my personality and wonder if they are actually symptoms.

I have no intention of seeking out a diagnosis. I understand myself much better than any psychologist or autism influencer ever could and it’s waaaaaaaay too late for those early childhood interventions.

But it sure would be nice to be able to blame autism. It’s not that I am stubborn and scared and unwilling to adapt! It’s that I’m autistic! I’m not easily overwhelmed because I am weak–I’m easily overwhelmed because I’m easily overstimulated.

And I’m not a bad traveler, I’m just an autistic traveler. Right?

I went into work with off-the-charts anxiety the other day due to some medical issues and weird test results with one of my kids (since resolved). I’m a hypochondriac and struggle to tolerate medical complications and emergencies, and it’s about 1,000x worse when it has anything to do with a child.

I told my lead clerk about this. We sit about five feet apart in the office all day so it’s not like we can easily hide things from each other. She was extremely sympathetic, offered me some words of encouragement, and then we both had to turn back to our screens and get on with the barrage of morning tasks.

And then from the little computer speakers in her corner of the office I hear:

Sometimes, some crimes… go slipping through the cracks…

Without asking, she had put on the Rescue Rangers theme song to cheer me up because she remembered that I like it.

I was very touched.

This is the same coworker who earlier this week walked into the office at 6:55 AM and proudly announced that she had taken an amazing picture of her cat last night and would I like to see it?

Um, yes, of course. And you know what? It really was an amazing picture of her cat.

Having coworkers is just the best. Even when they do annoying things like accidentally walk off with my scissors or stop by to chat about their upcoming camping trip when I’m in the middle of six time-sensitive tasks. I got renewed for next year and am already excited to see everyone again in August even though it’s only May and we’re all still seeing each other at work every day.

I’m having one of those weeks where I have no motivation.

I’m not really sure what happened. I spent Saturday morning chopping up a big tree limb at the cabin with my little chainsaw. The kids hauled branches away. I showered and we packed up the cabin and started driving home and somewhere along I-35 my motivation and energy left my body and so far neither have returned.

Did I still make seven layer salad for Easter celebrations on Sunday? Yes. Did I still do laundry on Monday and meal planning and grocery shopping on Tuesday? Yes. There are some basic needs in this house that can’t go unfulfilled.

But the usual daily tidying that I do? Not happening. The kids’ Easter candy is still on the dining room table–we eat dinner amid the pastel chocolate chaos. I haven’t done a single thing this week to move forward with our upcoming house purchase or upcoming house sale or upcoming trip to Japan.

You know what I’ve been doing instead of cleaning or organizing or returning clothes that need to be returned?

Three words: mindless media consumption.

Maybe I should be embarrassed to admit it, but one of my favorite genres of videos on YouTube are the drain unclogging videos, and nobody does it better than post 10.

Here’s a great example of post 10’s content to get you started. He has much more polished videos with two camera views, but I’m a fan of his earlier, shakier work. I am certain that he is autistic and really respect his dedication to water drainage.

Along the same lines, I love thep00lguy and have been watching him for years. Here’s a classic pool cleaning video from him. I find his accent and work ethic very soothing.

I’ve also been digging Logan’s Candies videos recently. I’ve watched enough of them to know by now that they all end the same way and yet each time I am surprised and delighted when the yellow blob is transformed into colorful candy.

I recommend that the next time you find yourself in a motivation rut you should just dig in. Load up Ye Olde YouTube. Maybe water drainage isn’t your thing, but power washing is. Find what you love, settle in, and enjoy the slow decay of your brain and body.

It is the Casey way!

Have we ever discussed astrology?

I want to believe in astrology. I find it fascinating, and have been known to say things like “But you don’t seem like a Leo to me!” even when I have no fucking clue what a Leo is supposed to be like.

I have never read a book about astrology or even done any decent amount of research into the characteristics of the various signs. But if I come across horoscopes in the newspaper I am absolutely going to read them all, and read them to you if you happen to be in the room with me.

A few weeks ago, one of my coworkers was complaining about something that happened at work, and she ended her story by stating “but that’s just how I am because I’m a Scorpio.”

Just today another coworker declared that his birthday was coming up and someone else shouted “Mine too! It’s Taurus season!”

I am obsessed.

I will happily tell you all the ways in which zodiac signs have influenced my life. I have a large number of friends who were born Pisces or Libra for some reason… is it possible that’s a coincidence? The coworker I work with most closely (and most happily) is a Virgo… just like my husband. I recently found out that an eccentric and entertaining acquaintance is a Cancer… just like my eccentric and entertaining sister…

I am a Sagittarius. This random astrology website tells me that I am “the ultimate free spirit: optimistic, open-minded, and ambitious.” It also tells me that I like “inspirational stories, international travel, dares, and flirting.” I do not enjoy “rules, routine” and can probably be found “organizing a talent show.”

See, I know it’s utter bullshit. I know it so much.

But also I identify deeply with my Sagittarius identity–so much so that I will not use my husband’s Virgo coffee mug in the morning, even if it’s the last one left because come on, a Virgo? Me?! YEAH RIGHT.

So I am here for the astrology-laden workplace chatter, and will bring my best Sagittarius self to this ongoing conversation. Ruling planet: Jupiter, bitches.

I feel very busy lately, even though I’m not. It just feels like I have a lot of major projects up in the air, and a lot of upcoming chaos.

There’s old house stuff: make handyman list, hire handyman, schedule floor refinishing, schedule carpet cleaning. I’ve been researching the history of this house for years, and the time has come to put it all together into a book that we can pass to the next owner. Finishing the research has taken a good amount of my time lately, as has writing the rough draft. I’ve also been purging like crazy, making a trip to Goodwill every other week it seems.

There’s new house stuff: figure out what sort of work we want done before we move in, interview contractors, hire contractors, hire movers, figure out new furniture purchases. New furniture! I am so excited to finally have a desk! My kids will also have desks! There’s been an ongoing flurry of small appointments and communications with the realtor and the sellers and the title company, even though we’re still multiple months out from closing.

There’s our Japan trip coming up. Did you know that the new Nintendo Museum in Kyoto is running ticket purchases on a lottery system, and that the lottery happens three months in advance of the dates you need? Yeah, I didn’t either. Oops. But the itinerary is pretty solid now, and I think I’ve even got a handle on how to use the shinkansen. I am studying Japanese on Duolingo. I booked a house sitter. Next up: packing lists, I guess?

Oh, and did you remember that we have a cabin? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, me either. Last fall, on the last day before the dock came out, we discussed our cabin plans for the next summer and agreed on just two small improvement tasks to complete this spring. Those are both in progress as of the end of March, so now we just have to deal with the usual summer opening tasks: cleaning up the last of the leaves, launching the jet ski, dragging all the kayaks and paddleboards out of the garage and back down to the shore, the endless de-mucking of our swimming area. Oh, and I guess we should find time to enjoy the cabin this summer too, somehow.

It’s going to be a crazy summer. We close on the new house in mid-June and leave for Japan just a few days after that. We get back right before the Fourth of July, turn around and my youngest has his first sleepaway camp. Somewhere near the end of July or early August we will move, and hopefully swiftly put our current house on the market after that. And somehow we have to remember to make it to the cabin at least a couple times in there and make that mortgage worth it?! Oh, and then I go back to work mid-August.

Anyway, I am truly not THAT busy. I only work half-time. Yardwork season hasn’t started yet. I am literally the only person in the house who cares if the house is clean so I have just stopped cleaning. And I am very excited about the Japan trip, the new house, and standing in the lake at the cabin with a beer in my hand at least once this summer. So it’s all good.

I just have to keep all these balls in the air for a while.

I drove us all back from the cabin this weekend, which means I got to work my way through the entire Kacey Musgraves Essentials playlist on Apple Music. And now you get this endlessly compelling blog post.

1. Dime Store Cowgirl
   This is–in my mind–absolute Peak Kacey. It’s got all the country music twang I could ever want, and is a perfect snapshot of an up-and-coming musician making her way around the country (and then the world!). Extra points for both the Willie Nelson and Gram Parsons references.
   Favorite lines: Slept in a room with the ghost of Gram Parsons; drank some wine I can’t afford.
2. Oh, What a World
   Did I drunk-cry when she performed this song at that one concert I went to? Yes, I did. However, I could do without the weird production on the recording, and am still waiting for the acoustic version release.
   Favorite lines: Did I know you once in another life? Are we here just once or a billion times?
3. The Architect
   The philosophical younger sister of the song above, I just love the idea of God being surprised and delighted (or possibly disappointed) by his creations.
   Favorite lines: There’s a canyon that cuts through the desert, did it get there because of a flood? Was it devised, or were you surprised when you saw how grand it was?
4. Rainbow
   Fun fact: I also play this one on piano.
   Favorite lines: If you could see what I see, you’d be blinded by the colors.
5. Pageant Material
   More great country twang here, along with the musings of someone who has taken a step back from their natal culture and can identify the ridiculous parts. All cultures have ridiculous parts, and being able to identify
   Favorite lines: I’m always higher than my hair, and it ain’t that I don’t care about world peace, but I don’t see how I can fix it in a swimsuit on a stage.
6. My House
   Can harmonica music be defined as adorable? Because the harmonica lines here are adorable. Extra points for the Washington State reference.
   Favorite lines: Any KOA is a-okay as long as I’m with you.
7. Biscuits
   Are we seeing a pattern in my appreciation of country twang? This song is ridiculous, but has a great message.
   Favorite lines: Pissin’ in my yard ain’t gonna make yours any greener.
8. Space Cowboy
   It is admittedly strange that this one makes my top ten list. I mean the title alone is delightfully weird so that helps. She just has so many great lines in this one and great visuals. I always picture her throwing open the back end of a horse trailer and letting a flannel-clad cowboy drive his Chevy Silverado back out into a dating pool of horses.
   Favorite lines: You can have your space, cowboy, I ain’t gonna fence you in.
9. simple times
   I know, this is the only one from her star-crossed album to make it onto my top ten list. I certainly can’t relate to all the bits about hanging out at the mall with her friends, but I can definitely relate to the desire to pause this video game called adulthood for half a day.
   Favorite line: Wish that I could put this game on pause, skip this round, take the headset off.
10. I Remember Everything (Zach Bryan feat. Kacey Musgraves)
    I can’t personally relate to this topic; however, this song is the closest I’ve gotten to understanding what it must be like to go through a breakup with your first love. They reference their former intimacy, the man’s ongoing drinking problem, the woman’s childhood trauma, and then end by saying they wish they didn’t remember everything but they do. Also there are violins in the background and nothing makes me love a song more than adding some damn strings.
    Favorite lines: Blame it on the beach, grown men don’t cry.

I would be very curious to know what everyone else’s favorite Kacey Musgraves songs are!

I don’t usually like to put negativity out into the world, but there’s some shit I need to unload on the rest of you.

Do you have a local Buy Nothing group on Facebook? We do. I have used it frequently to rid my house of items that have outlived their useful life with us. It’s really nice to know that our old stuff can be used by another family.

But wow Buy Nothing has so many annoying rules that make me not want to use it anymore.

Here is one that really pisses me off. If someone asks the Buy Nothing group for a certain item, we are not allowed to comment telling them where they could purchase that item.

Okay, fine, I guess I get it. This is a group for reducing consumption, not encouraging it.

We are not allowed to do curb alerts. You know when you’re cleaning out the basement playroom and you’ve got like fifteen medium-sized toys you want to get rid of? You cannot just put them outside and post in the Buy Nothing group that you’ve got these items available and people can just come and get them. Why? Because this does not build community. No, instead you must upload a photo for each item, and then coordinate pickup with fifteen different people to get those toys gone.

Oh! And don’t go thinking you can just post those photos and immediately assign them to the first commenter. No! We are supposed to let things “simmer” for at least 24 hours. As the justification goes: not everyone is on Facebook constantly and everyone should get a chance to “win” these items. Best practice is to let it wait for twenty-four hours before choosing a recipient.

Once you get through all those hurdles, you have to coordinate pickup and that is the worst. People who were extremely motivated to inherit a used litter box (why?!) on Sunday morning can barely be bothered to respond to messages by Sunday night, and will no show multiple days in a row.

All this is to say, I had one of my most successful Buy Nothing purges earlier this week. I put four items up on Monday afternoon, and about 28 hours later every single item had been picked up with the absolute minimum of communication. It was awesome. I want to give gold stars to all those recipients.

How did I have such great success, you ask? Well… I broke one of the rules. I did not let stuff simmer for twenty-four hours and that seems to have really made a difference. I picked recipients pretty quickly, kept the momentum going, and wow that works so much better.

But I would also like to be clear: most of the stuff I’m getting rid of is going to Goodwill. It’s the stuff that Goodwill won’t take (a ripped tent, wall-climbing handholds) that I’m going to be putting on Buy Nothing for the next six months.

I realize this is a very niche post and most of you (the three people I know who read this regularly) will not make it to the end of this post. But I kind of hope that there will be other people out there who google “why is Buy Nothing so annoying and the worst” and end up here at my blog post somehow and feel seen.

I’m sorry to have left everyone on a cliffhanger. The sellers ended up decided not to conduct the “interviews” with the potential buyers, and we were surprised on a Friday afternoon with the news that our offer had been accepted.

We are so excited. The kids are going to have their own rooms! I’m going to have space in the basement for a treadmill! We don’t have to leave our neighborhood and can still walk back and forth to our favorite businesses and the elementary school!

The house is not perfect. There is no mudroom. The garage is definitely a downgrade from our current garage. My husband spends a lot of time fretting about the garage situation. I spend a lot of time thinking about all the stuff I’m going to get rid of before we move. And how we will actually have space for me to start buying books for myself again! And I will no longer share a bathroom with my children!

Now that this is real and happening I’ve started the final push on my house history project. I’ve been researching the history of our current house off and on for at least a decade, and I am very close to completing it. Of course, the research is the easy part–it’s the synthesizing and summarizing and writing that will be the hardest! But I am determined to create something to leave for the next owners.

So… between planning our upcoming Japan trip, purging and prepping for our big move, and completing this history project, I am feeling especially busy this spring. 2025 is going to be a big, busy year for our family.

We had a small blizzard come through overnight last night and I woke up to the news that school had been cancelled; students were instructed to log on for an e-learning day.

“Bye!” I shouted up the stairs to my husband as I left for work an hour later. “Have fun figuring out everyone’s Google Meet codes! Have fun with all the unsolvable tech issues that are sure to stymie all educational progress! And don’t forget: work-from-home is a fucking trap for parents!”

And then I gleefully made my way to a building where there were no children.

I love going in on no school days. Today there were just five of us in the building. We listened to Lady Gaga and then early 2000s hip hop while we worked. The halls and the walkie-talkies were silent. Nobody came in asking us for a band-aid or snow pants.

I do realize it’s ironic that in order to escape my stay-at-home mom lifestyle I took a job at a school full of small children. But I like that it’s a busy, slightly chaotic environment, my co-workers are the best people, and you definitely can’t beat the schedule.

And you definitely can’t beat the snow day. By the time I made it home my kids were already 90% done with their school day. And I avoided confronting my trauma around distance learning.

I did not realize what a luxury it was to be responsible for only my own healthcare and maintenance in my twenties.

I took it for granted back then. I had no idea what it was going to be like to be responsible for the healthcare and maintenance of two other whole human beings.

I try to get all of the annual stuff for the kids done in January. Every year. And every year I fail. I have to reschedule due to illness. Or the doctor doesn’t work on the days that we are available so then I have to slip an appointment in on a no school day.

It’s fine. It’s nearing the end of February and I still have an outstanding optometrist appointment for one kid. But it’s fine.

And then there is the dentist twice a year.

And the covid and flu shots every fall, which always feels like a massive undertaking.

And by the time the kids are out of the house and making their own optometry appointments I’ll be old and falling apart and will spend all my time either at the doctor’s office or waiting in line at the pharmacy. And nothing makes a person want to die more than waiting in line at the pharmacy.

I wish I had better enjoyed the freedom of being a healthy twenty-something back when I could.

Older people: what should I not be taking for granted right now in my forties?