Pertinent to my Interests

Documentary reviews, body neutrality, parenting, Jupiter, piano, cats, European history, ghosts, rodents, the collapse of civilization, and if this goes on long enough I'll probably end up cataloguing my entire smushed penny collection.

  • A week before Christmas

    It’s a week until Christmas. My youngest kid puked at school this morning and had to be picked up from the nurse’s office. I have an awful cold, and vertigo stacked on top of that. It’s great fun.

    Have you ever had vertigo? It’s the stupidest thing you can have wrong with you. Tiny little stones inside my inner ear, the ones responsible for balance and feeling movement, migrate out of their proper spot. If I look up the world spins. If I look down the world spins. If I lay on my back the world spins. And when the vertigo is this bad I have a general sense of imbalance. I find myself hanging onto countertops and gripping the banister as I go slowly down the stairs. It feels like preparation for being elderly.

    Anyway, as I noted in the first paragraph, it’s a week until Christmas. Three days until we get on an airplane. When you have children in school there really isn’t much you can do to prevent illness from impacting travel. My youngest will be better by Thursday morning, but maybe by then the rest of us will be vomiting. And if we are, I guess we’ll deal with it and reschedule. Traveling early gives us a little buffer.

    And I am trying to remind myself about our trip to Disney earlier this year. A freak blizzard on April 1 cancelled our early flight to Florida; we managed to grab seats on the same flight out the next morning, squeezed into the very back of the plane. Instead of rope-dropping Magic Kingdom that next morning, we ended up arriving in the afternoon and heading into Magic Kingdom for dinner and what turned out to be an extremely magical and extremely late evening riding Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean with the kids.

    So. Even if we all wake up puking on Thursday morning it will be okay. And in the meantime, I’m digging out the Lysol wipes and hand sanitizer and not looking up.

  • A two field trip kind of week

    I went on two field trips this week, one with each of my kids, because this is the sort of thing you feel compelled to do when you are an unemployed mother of two.

    Actually, both field trips involved tromping around in the forest, and mid-December is, in my opinion, the perfect time to be tromping around in the forest, so I was happy to go.

    Do you remember field trips in elementary school? I barely do. I actually hated field trips in elementary school because I never knew what to expect on them. I recall doing my best to get out of field trips several times, but I was always stymied by teachers and especially my mother who was aware of my desire to avoid new experiences. (I got better at field trips by late middle school.)

    It was weird being back on a bus with a big group of kids, teachers, and chaperones. I forgot how being in school forces you to lose some individuality. The entire day is built around keeping this large herd of excited children under control. We had stupid rules that I, as chaperone, had to help enforce, like no picking up sticks. Who brings kids into the forest and then decrees that they can’t even pick up a stick?! I whispered to some of the fifth graders who were having trouble with this rule that I thought it was a stupid rule too, but we had to follow it or else we would all get in trouble.

    Being part of a classroom of kids is like being part of an organism in some ways. We are all doing math right now. We are all lining up to get on the bus right now. We are all being reminded to use our quiet voices even though only two of us were actually being loud. The only place that adults are treated like this is in prison.

    I am not saying school is prison. My kids’ school is great, and they like going every day. I don’t think they chafe under these controls because it feels completely normal to them. I liked school too, and I don’t remember feeling particularly oppressed by the crowd control mentality. But it was very weird to step back in time and experience it all over again. Twice in one week.

  • Kid Casey Was Confused About: Geography

    As a child I was often flummoxed at hearing China and Japan collectively referred to as “The East.” I grew up on the west coast of the United States; China and Japan were very clearly to the west, not the east. Chapter labels like “Eastern Art” led me to expect Roman sculpture or portraits of English kings for an embarrassingly long time, and I was always a little surprised to turn the page and see a Buddha instead.

    I can’t remember how old I was when I finally stepped back in time far enough to realize that from a European perspective China is indeed to the east. Did this confuse other west coast kids or was it just me?

    At some point as a very young child, I asked my mother if we lived on an island. She correctly replied that we did not. But how could that be if the ocean existed? Was the world covered in more land than I realized and the oceans were actually giant inland lakes?

    I didn’t have the ability to ask the correct follow-up questions, so I was stuck on that one for a while. At some point we acquired a globe and it was clear to me that we were living on an island. Now I was concerned about my mother’s mental faculties. How could she be SO wrong about such a simple question? I didn’t think she was dumb but… maybe she was?

    Imagine my relief years later in school when we learned about the size distinction between continents and islands. (My mother is still smarter than I am and she will kick anyone’s ass at the crossword puzzle if they doubt this.)

  • How is the media fast going?

    Well, it’s been about two weeks since I shut down my personal Instagram and enacted new rules about watching TV.

    I’m reading a lot more.

    The first week was weird. I panicked at least once a day thinking that one of my favorite influencers had stopped posting and are they sick? Are they depressed? Are they okay? Then I remembered they’re probably still posting. I’m just not seeing it.

    I just stare out the patio door now while I eat lunch. If I’m lucky there is some squirrel or bird action. If I’m unlucky I just consider the patterns on the patio stone. I sigh and wish someone would give me treats. I am turning into a cat.

    That first week I did really well. My phone stayed in my pocket a lot. But it’s amazing how the smart phone acts like a gas to fill all the empty space. I’ve (mostly) removed Instagram from my life and all of a sudden I’m much more interested in reading the New York Times in its entirety. I keep catching myself endlessly scrolling through the dumpster fires of Reddit. I keep checking in on all the defunct blogs I used to follow.

    Getting rid of Instagram (mostly) has been really good, but it is clear to me that I need to do better and I am considering my options. The trouble is figuring out how to carve away all the disease of the iPhone without losing the utility. I could remove Safari completely. But what if I’m out and about and need to google something?

    And will the iPhone continue to fill the missing space? If I get rid of Safari will I suddenly find myself way more interested in the Goodreads app than any sane person has a right to be? Will I scroll endlessly through my camera roll looking at old photos?

    I have some dread about the lesson I might be learning here. Do I have to throw the whole thing away to win my bandwidth back?

  • What it’s like to play Animal Crossing for a year.

    (If you do not play and are not interested in Animal Crossing I suggest you skip this entire post. I am going to write it as if the reader also plays ACNH.)

    I’ve been playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons daily for almost exactly a year, like a sucker (who needs a real job).

    I’ve done well for myself this year. I paid off all my home loans, achieved a five star island, and have every type of fruit. I own a large collection of stuff, am best friends with several villagers, and have completed the fossil section of my museum.

    Wow, that sounds much more impressive if you think I’m talking about real life.

    Anyway, Animal Crossing has been fun, but also infuriating.

    Despite purchasing and donating art daily for the past six months there are still five pieces missing from my art museum. I’ve never even seen three of them offered! I still need three insects for the insect collection, and they’re all ones that only appear on palm trees in the middle of the damn night in the summer. I am not awake at midnight! Not in the summer and not any time!

    The randomness of the game frustrates me more every day. Example: I have been wanting an upright piano for most of the year. Not once in the 365 days I’ve been playing has Nook’s Cranny offered me an upright piano. But the antique table and imperial bed seem to come up weekly! Why!

    I’m having a similar problem with DIY recipes. I usually acquire three DIY recipes every time I play, but for the past couple months it seems that 90% of the time they are duplicates of ones I already have.

    I know these strategies are all very intentional on the part of the programmers. Nintendo doesn’t want us to grind for bells for ten hours at a time, they want us to play slowly, a little every day. Well, that’s what I did! But I can see that in order to get and achieve All The Things I would need to do this indefinitely. And I don’t appreciate that. I have other things I want to do with my free time. Not like… useful things, but… you know, things. I think. I can’t remember what I did during screen time before Animal Crossing.

    I would also like to note that I am a completely different person in Animal Crossing than I am in real life. Animal Crossing me enjoys changing outfits daily (she types from day three in her favorite sweatshirt). Animal Crossing me checks in with her animal friends regularly. Animal Crossing me buys all the things all the time whether or not she wants them or needs them. Animal Crossing me spends hours decorating the bathroom, and then more hours carefully planting flowers around the island.

    And for those who are wondering, here are the museum items I’m still missing.

    Art I Still Need:

    • Familiar Statue (The Thinker)
    • Robust Statue (Discobolus)
    • Amazing Painting (The Night Watch)
    • Warm Painting (The Clothed Maja)
    • Nice Painting (The Fifer)

    Fish I Still Need:

    • Giant Trevally
    • Mahi Mahi
    • Barreleye
    • Giant Isopod

    Insects I Still Need:

    • Scarab Beetle
    • Goliath Beetle
    • Giant Stag

    Anyway, it’s been fun Animal Crossing, and I’ll always think of you fondly, but the heady early days of our relationship are long done; it’s time we entered the weekends only phase of our relationship.

  • 40

    I recently turned forty years old. Apparently this is a Big Deal and I’m supposed to have a lot of feelings about it.

    I am not having a ton of feelings. Forty feels about right. When I was a kid I had trouble even picturing myself as a teenager and I interpreted this as proof that I would die before reaching that stage. This inability to see the future has persisted–to my ongoing disappointment–and I continue to be surprised at every birthday.

    Every birthday brings with it a poignant new math problem. You see my college friend Katie died in 2004 when we were both twenty years old. It was sudden and shocking and happened over the summer. Later that year I turned twenty-one, but she did not. After that I turned twenty-two, but she did not.

    You see where this is going. My fortieth birthday marks a doubling of Katie’s time here, and when I picture my forty years I don’t see four sets of ten. I see two sets of twenty.

    I have another college friend who turned forty this year who is currently on hospice care as he winds down a multi-year battle with cancer. He has lived double what Katie lived, but his life won’t extend much further.

    He knows he won’t ever turn forty-one, but the rest of us have no fucking clue what’s in store for us. Maybe I die at forty too. Or fifty. Maybe I’ll hit eighty and double his lifespan and quadruple Katie’s. God, that would be something.

    Not a single moment is guaranteed to us, so I am pretty pleased to have made it to forty.

  • Abu Simbel

    Have you heard about the temple complex at Abu Simbel in Egypt? It’s one of those things I get really excited about, and I just read a book about it so I want to talk about it!

    The temple complex at Abu Simbel is a magnificent set of two temples on the edge of the River Nile in an area called Nubia, near Egypt’s present-day southern border. The temples were dedicated by Pharaoh Ramses II in 1244 BCE. The smaller temple is dedicated to his favorite wife, Nefertari, but the larger temple is dedicated to Ramses himself. The facade is comprised of four colossal seated statues of the pharaoh–65 feet tall each and carved directly into the sandstone cliffs of the Nile. The colossi face east and every morning the rising sun lights up the statues, bringing Ramses II back to life again and again and again.

    Ramses II died thirty years after dedicating the temples at Abu Simbel. At some point the complex is abandoned and the literal sands of time cover the surviving three colossi, until the 19th century when the temple is rediscovered by European explorers. The complex is praised as one of the most stunning examples of ancient Egyptian art and architecture.

    We arrive at the 1960s. The Egyptian government is going to build a new dam on the Nile River, the Aswan High Dam. This new dam will allow them to control the annual flooding of the Nile, and also provide electricity for the Egyptian people.

    The only problem is that the reservoir created by the new dam will flood much of Nubia. Villages will have to be moved, many small temples will be drowned, and the magnificent temple complex at Abu Simbel is destined to be lost again, this time forever.

    At the behest of Egyptologists and the Egyptian government, UNESCO steps in, launching a campaign to fund the preservation of the threatened Nubian monuments. Schoolchildren send in their pennies. Widows send in their francs. Wealthy businessmen write cheques, but it is not enough. Far more money is needed.

    Egypt decides to sweeten the deal. From the list of twenty or so threatened monuments, they pick five of the smaller temples. These temples will be given away to the nations that provide the most funds for this project. Caligula brought only an Egyptian obelisk back to Rome, but you could have your own temple in your capital city!

    Now the funds start flowing. Germany and Italy step up to the plate, agreeing to donate large sums to the fund. France and the Netherlands follow. Workers flow into Nubia and begin dismantling and moving the smaller temples.

    But not Abu Simbel.

    Nobody is sure what to do with Abu Simbel. It is significantly larger than any of the other threatened temples, and–most importantly–it is carved of sandstone directly into the cliff. It cannot be cut into pieces without massive damage. So what to do? They consider floating the whole thing up. They consider building a glass bubble around it to protect the structure from the water. But there is no viable plan, and besides, they don’t have the funds for it. Abu Simbel is just too much: too big, too expensive, too difficult.

    Enter Jackie Kennedy, First Lady of the United States.

    At this point, the US government has been minimally involved in the project to save the Nubian monuments. The Cold War is at its height, the current president of Egypt has aligned himself with the Soviets, and Congress has deemed the entire project unworthy of their time or money.

    But Jackie Kennedy, like her husband, is a voracious reader, a great student of history. She has a deep appreciation for art and archaeology, and she insists to her husband that Abu Simbel must be saved and that the United States must lead the effort.

    Of course it takes more than just a first lady’s insistence to wrangle that kind of money out of the government. There is a great deal of political maneuvering and debating, but eventually the United States steps up an donates a very large sum of money for the rescue of Abu Simbel.

    By this point, the Aswan High Dam is partially complete, and the river is rising. Time is running out to save Abu Simbel. But how?

    They cut it apart. It shouldn’t have been done, but they had to do it. They cut up the cliff using large machinery. The colossi and other delicate pieces are cut apart with hand saws by skilled stonemasons from Italy. Each block is stabilized, marked, and slowly (so slowly!) brought up the hill.

    Did you need to go reread that last paragraph? Those crazy motherfuckers cut the whole thing apart and moved it to the top of the hill. It couldn’t be done. It shouldn’t have even been attempted, but they did it.

    And you know what they did after they cut it apart? They put it back together! They rebuilt the colossi, the cliff face, the inner temple structure, the whole damn thing. They even made sure to orient the statues facing east again so Ramses II could be reborn in the dawn light, just as he had been every morning for the past three thousand years.

    I just love everything about this story. I love that in ancient Egypt a city of workers sprung up in the desert near Abu Simbel and they carved this magnificent temple into the cliff over the course of several years. I love that three thousand years later another city of engineers and stonemasons sprung up again, this time with a mission to preserve the work of their ancient counterparts. I love that nations that did not exist–nations in places that Ramses II could never even dream of, speaking languages he never heard–stepped up to the plate to save this ancient structure.

    You all know the poem Ozymandias by Shelley, right? It is one of my favorites, a reminder that there is no eternal glory. But Shelley was writing before Abu Simbel was moved, back when it seemed there was no eternal life. The colossi stand today on the banks of a changed Nile in a changed world, and Ramses II still commands our modern awe.

    If you are losing your mind over this like I am, please go enjoy this great UNESCO video about the rescue operation. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.

  • She (maybe) chose poorly.

    I went to the gym today, after more than a week away due to illness.

    It doesn’t take much to keep me from the gym. If I experience even the smallest little bump in the road of life my exercise plans are the first things to be thrown out the window.

    Had a bad dream? Better skip the gym.

    Missing a key ingredient for dinner and have to take ten minutes out of my not-busy day to run to the grocery store? Better skip the gym just in case.

    Cat seems extra gassy today? Better skip the gym.

    Because of this proclivity, I often struggle to determine when it is appropriate to skip the workout and when I’m just taking advantage of having a sniffle. I don’t feel great today, but I made myself go walk on the treadmill for forty minutes and I gotta say I kind of feel worse now. I may have chosen poorly.

  • Fun-sized character studies

    My youngest had a sore throat on Monday, and I ended up taking him to the doctor twice in one 24-hour period.

    I didn’t used to be this mom. I used to be the mom who let illnesses develop for at least three days before even calling the nurse line. I used to be the mom who secretly judged the other moms who were taking their kids to urgent care at the first sign of fever. But after three rounds of strep throat diagnoses in a single month, I am now a crazy person.

    I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that my youngest has started dressing in business casual for school: button up shirts and suit jackets. Some days he pairs this with sweatpants and dirty Crocs and the effect is hilarious. Other days he’s got the khaki pants going and he looks really good.

    At urgent care check-in on Monday night he was still wearing his suit jacket and nice shirt from school. When we walked up to the desk the receptionist went on and on about what a little man he was.

    “It’s not just the clothes,” she said. “It’s how he walks and talks and carries himself too.” She sighed and lamented that she would not be able to see him grow up. I assured her we would be back to urgent care many times in the next ten years.

    The next day we were at a regular clinic to see a pediatrician we had never seen before. This receptionist also had a lot to say, but this time it was about my kid’s recurrent strep.

    “You had strep three times in one month?” he exclaimed, looking at my youngest’s records. “Oh, that sucks. I had the same thing happen. They wanted to take out my tonsils and I was like oh no you don’t.”

    “Why didn’t you want your tonsils out?” I asked.

    “Have you ever met someone who had their tonsils out in their forties?” he said. “It takes like two full months to recover! When you’re a kid they just give you ice cream and you’re fine in two days, but when you’re adult it’s like ‘naaaaahhhhh I’m gonna need some Percocet sprinkled on that ice cream.’”

    The last character in our journey was the nurse at the clinic, a very large man who seemed to be having some trouble breathing. He took my kid’s blood pressure and commented that he wished his blood pressure was that low.

    “Well, it probably was that low when you were eight years old,” I said.

    “Nah, I loved chips too much even back then,” he chuckled. He then went on for several sentences about how much he loves salt. I nodded along, enjoying the obesity camaraderie (rare at a doctor’s office).

    I do enjoy these little fun-sized character studies, especially in settings where you expect people to be more boring and professional.

  • Living deliberately

    I don’t usually listen to podcasts, but my kids’ piano teacher (who blogs over at Midlife Creative) recommended this one to me and I can’t stop thinking about it.

    The podcast is about a class taught at UPenn, Living Deliberately: Monks, Saints, and the Contemplative Life. Students in this class are asked to live as if they are part of a religious order. The list of restrictions is long, and surprisingly strict. Men must wear white and women must wear black. No eating meat unless you’ve killed it yourself. No drinking alcohol unless you’ve brewed it yourself. No sex. No touching. No talking. No technology.

    No exceptions.

    How do busy college students make these rules work for them? Well, it takes a lot of preparation, but they are serious about it and you should really listen to the podcast for all the details, it’s fascinating.

    I’ve been thinking about something the professor said when introducing the concept for this class. In the modern world we tend to deal with our mental health issues by adding things: therapy, meditation, exercise, medication, vegetables. But what if we need the opposite: to take things away?

    Did your mind jump to your phone when you read that last sentence? Mine did. My stupid fucking smart phone.

    My phone is a tranquilizer, anti-depressant, and upper all in one. If I am still, I am probably looking at my phone. If I am bored, I am looking at my phone. If I’m tired, I’m looking at my phone. If I’m uncomfortable, I’m looking at my phone. If I’m anxious, well, you get it. Mindlessly scrolling through stupid reels in Instagram is my first reaction to everything. My phone is a drug.

    But my phone isn’t all bad! My phone allows the school to get in touch with me if there’s an emergency with the kids. It is how I contact my mother, who lives 1,500 miles away. It’s how I take pictures of the kids and the cats, and how I manage our online photo album. Even Instagram–that awful, awful waste of time–has some wonderful influencers who have given me great insights and genuinely improved my life with their content.

    But I keep circling back to that podcast and how much the students gained when they took things away, even good, important things like talking to friends or writing a research paper on a computer.

    I’ve been inspired, but I’m going to start small like the class does. Yesterday morning I had my husband enact a five minute limit on my Instagram, set with a password that only he knows. I’ll still be able to post to this blog’s Instagram account, but not much else. No more mindlessly scrolling through reels in the late afternoon.

    I’ve also made a new rule for myself: no watching a screen unless I’m watching with someone else or I’m at the gym. This means I can’t watch hours of old Friends episodes every night like I’ve been doing. I can’t start a documentary while eating lunch and finish it later that afternoon while my to do list and my creativity idles.

    These seem like small changes, but they feel big to me. Yesterday I kept pulling my phone out of my pocket and sliding it back in. At lunch I ate my sandwich with nothing in front of me and thought about how so many girls in my generation have the middle names Lynn or Marie. I think I’m going to be awkwardly sitting around doing nothing for a while.

    I can still play Nintendo whenever I want and watch Bob’s Burgers with my kids every night so it’s not like I’m really living a monastic life over here. But I’m hoping to live each moment just slightly more deliberately than I have been.