I started piano lessons this week. I’ve been wanting to get back to lessons for several years but have hesitated for various reasons. One reason is that for the past several years I’ve also been applying for jobs, and it’s hard to commit to lessons when you have no idea what your life is going to look like in a month.

But if I’m being honest, the main reason I avoided going back to lessons for so long is that I felt I didn’t deserve to spend $175 on my silly little hobby every month when I didn’t even have a real job.

I know that’s a dumb way to approach one’s life.

My first lesson wasn’t really a lesson–more of a “getting to know you while one of us sits at the piano and plays some old pieces” sort of thing. My teacher is the same one who used to teach my kids. She’s wonderful, and patient, and we’ve known each other for years now, but the parent/teacher relationship is very different from the student/teacher relationship, so we have to work that out together.

“I didn’t know you were so advanced!” she said to me. “And you play so beautifully with so much feeling.” All those years of piano, and I can only think of one other moment that made me shine with pride like those words did.

Now I just have to live up to her higher expectations by actually practicing!