I wasn’t very excited about traveling over spring break this year. I’m not a good traveler to begin with, and it felt like last year we did too much traveling too many times.

This trip actually went quite well, and I think it’s because I was the man for most of it.

Let me explain. I did not plan or book a single thing for this trip. My husband did all the planning, all the research, and all the booking. I didn’t even know exactly where we were staying or what the check-in times were. I didn’t research a single restaurant, and yet somehow restaurants had already been chosen. It was awesome.

I also did all the driving on this trip. Since we left on a Monday and returned on a Friday the entire trip took place during my poor husband’s work week. And car time is email time. He settled into the passenger seat with his laptop and his hotspot, and I settled into cruise control and my Taylor Swift playlist. He offered to drive for the very last hour on the very last day but at that point I was highly motivated to finish it out myself and I did not take him up on this offer.

I was also the spouse who left the hotel room to acquire coffee in the mornings. I want to say that this is usually the man’s job, but in my marriage it’s actually my job. I am much more coffee-driven than my husband. So this datapoint does not support my theory that I got to be the man for five days, but I think you get the picture.

But I have to tell you about the crazy waterslide I went on. It’s called The Hurricane at Wilderness Resort, and you can look it up on YouTube but I promise the videos do not do it justice.

I should have been more suspicious when we got to the top of the line and discovered there was a weight limit for the group and that they actually weigh you to ensure you’re under the limit.

It should have been a red flag when our three-person group was just under the limit.

It was a definite red flag when they had already sent us down the slide and I saw a fucking vertical drop coming up.

And then we flew. I closed my eyes. I screamed. I had regrets. I didn’t know where I was or what direction my body was moving in, and when I opened my eyes I was in a giant white space and I was not entirely sure that I wasn’t dead.

I was shaking when we got to the bottom and the attendant helped me out.

I feel like nobody believes me when I say this, but I really think this is the most terrified I have ever been. I’ve been on a ton of roller coasters that are much faster, much higher than this water slide, and I have been pretty scared on some of those. But at least in a roller coaster I’m strapped into a vehicle of some sort. I don’t really worry about falling out of a roller coaster, but on a water slide it’s just my body, a tube, and too much damn speed.

I actually don’t regret going on the slide–it really was an experience. But I will not be doing that again.

I will be letting my husband plan trips from here on out. He did a good job and we all had a good time.