“But how long is the hike going to be?!” my youngest wailed at me this morning. They have the day off from school and I have the day off from work and I had just delivered the bad news that we are going for a hike later.

“Not too long,” I said. “There’s not a ton of trails where we’re going.”

“But how long?!” he demanded. “How many minutes? Ten?”

“Until the Fun-o-Meter is full,” I told him.

“Noooooooooo!” he wailed even louder. “Not the Fun-o-Meter!!!!”

Have I ever told you about my greatest personal parenting invention, the Fun-o-Meter?

It was April 2020. Schools had been shut down due to the Covid-19 pandemic for one month at that point. We had no idea how much further we had to go. My kids were five and seven, and I was struggling to provide us all with some semblance of routine as the world fell apart around us. Part of this routine was getting outside every day, no matter the weather.

Local playgrounds had been closed due to the pandemic, so every afternoon I found myself stuck in the backyard listening to my kids whine about how bored they were.

“How much longer until outside time is over?” the pestered me. “When can we go inside? When is it TV time? When can we have snack? How much longer? How much longer? How much longer?”

And then: a magical moment. For about five seconds I stood at the center of the Venn diagram of parenting desperation and parenting genius.

“You can go inside when the Fun-o-Meter is full,” I said.

“The what?”

“Hold on,” I said. I went inside and drew the very first Fun-o-Meter: a simple thermometer shape drawn in black Sharpie. I brought out my new invention and a red crayon.

“This,” I declared, “is the Fun-o-Meter. I’m going to sit here and measure the amount of fun you guys are having, and when the meter is full we can all go inside and have screen time.”

At first, they didn’t get it. They would wander out into the yard, halfheartedly kick a ball one time, and come back to ask me if the Fun-o-Meter was full.

“It only fills when you’re having fun,” I said. “And you weren’t having fun.”

“But I was having fun! Did you see me with that ball? I am having fun! Why isn’t the Fun-o-Meter full yet?!”

“Well, you sure didn’t look like you were having fun,” I said. “And right now neither of us is having fun so it’s definitely not filling.”

Things started to click. Now they were forced to find a way to have fun. I sat with my book and my red crayon and my Fun-o-Meter and every once in a while I looked up to appraise the situation in the backyard. Plans were being hatched. Toy trucks were being moved around. Holes were being dug and sidewalk chalk was being used. Success! We all filled the Fun-o-Meter!

“Hey, the Fun-o-Meter is full!” I told them. “It’s time to go in for screen time!”

The Fun-o-Meter became a regular fixture during our pandemic lockdown, although I have only drawn the whole thing out a handful of times. Now the Fun-o-Meter just exists in my head.

I still use it regularly all these years later, although less frequently now that everyone is in school and busier. And the kids are resigned to it. They know there is only one way out of their suffering and it doesn’t involve whining or moping or fighting. You must find a way to have some fun.

And that was it, the peak of my parenting. It’s all been downhill from there and unfortunately I don’t have the writing chops to turn this simple concept into a full parenting book, so I’ll never make any money off of it. But I hope this tip is useful for someone out there!