I never know how to answer this question so I’m going to write about it and see if this helps me to organize my thoughts.

Where to start? The job search is confused. The job search is disorganized. The job search lacks both direction and motivation.

I do not need to work. Financially, we are more than secure with just my husband’s income.

I do want to work. I am bored. I miss having a life outside of home and family. I miss earning money. I miss being part of a team and feeling competent.

I don’t want to work. I enjoy my time and I enjoy my freedom. I like having extra bandwidth for sick kids or personal projects. I have time to exercise, time to meal plan, time to clean things and organize things and research things and bring the kids places. I like grocery shopping on Monday morning instead of Sunday afternoon.

I do want to work part-time, but the part-time gigs suck. All the interesting jobs are full-time.

I do want to leave the house and go to an office, but I don’t want to commute too far.

I would like to make decent money, but I’ve been out of the workforce for ten years. Most of the jobs I qualify for are paying $20/hr. Is it worth it to disrupt our lives for $20/hr?

And we return to the first point: that I don’t have to work. But what weighs most heavily on me is this:

What will people think?

Staying home with the kids was already an unusual choice for my socioeconomic class, but allowable. I was clearly very busy with the children and the house. It’s okay to step away from a career to raise little kids, but is it okay to not step back in? I’m sure my working friends wonder what I do all day long now that the kids are in school (and that is a good question). My husband probably wonders too but he also hasn’t cleaned a bathroom in almost a decade so wisely chooses not to ask that question out loud.

What would people think if I just didn’t work? Would they think I was stupid? Would they think I was boring?

What would I think?