I get hassled for money sometimes when I’m walking around my neighborhood. Not every day, but frequently.

I hate being asked for money. I lived in New York City for too long so despite being generally sympathetic towards humans who have fallen on tough times, I have zero tolerance for panhandlers and their bullshit.

Now if you’re homeless but refrain from hassling me that’s completely different. We had a homeless guy living on our block for part of last year. He never asked me for anything, and I never gave him anything. This was acceptable, and I had no problem with him staying where he was.

Twice recently I have assumed that someone is coming up to me to ask for money and I have been wrong. The first time it happened I didn’t even let the guy finish his sentence.

“Excuse me, ma’am–” he started.

“Nope, sorry,” I immediately said, a kneejerk reaction to his appearance plus that particular opening phrase.

“I just wanted to ask the time,” he stammered.

That was embarrassing.

The second time was in a park outside my neighborhood. A man with a dog came up to me, mumbled something, and I told him no without really listening. Ten minutes later he walked past me again, this time holding a leash for the dog.

“Don’t worry, I found it!” he proclaimed. He had been asking if I had seen the dog’s leash that he had lost earlier.

I realized that I had been making assumptions based on the race, dress, and gender of the people approaching me. I don’t like assumptions based on appearance. I pictured the assumptions that others might make about me if I was approaching them for help. Perhaps they would assume that I’m about to ask for directions to the cupcake store.

I did not like this thought exercise, and I resolved that I should at least let people complete their sentences–and I should listen to what they have to say–before I shoot them down with “Nope, sorry!”

Since making this resolution I have been approached twice. The first time was a teenager who needed directions. Win. The second time was a man asking for money. Lose.

But it’s better this way. I’m okay with not giving money to people; I’m not okay with making unfair assumptions about them.