Every time I drop off junk at Goodwill I swing by Costco on my way home. The irony is not lost on me.

What a horrible warehouse of wonders. I’m not even talking about all their Christmas decorations. The snack aisles alone are enough to make me gleeful (welcome home, giant box of Cheez-Its!). They have puzzles too! The kind I like with nostalgic small-town scenes poorly painted by some “folk artist.” They have Squishmallows and smoked salmon and pumpkin pies that are larger than both of my cats combined.

But… why does it have to be so much? They had my favorite mouthwash but it came in a three pack of very large bottles. I would like to try the frozen crab cakes, but I do not want to try them every night for more than a week.

It’s not just a space issue, although space is an issue. Buying food at Costco is a commitment. You go in for pesto for this one great recipe and now you’re struggling to find pesto recipes for the next two weeks. I bought pupusas there last summer and nobody in the house liked them (including me) but I was stuck eating them for lunches for almost two weeks because I didn’t want to just throw them away. I can’t afford to make a mistake like that again; life is too short to not enjoy your lunch.

And don’t get me started on the consumerism. When I was there today there was a couple looking at Christmas-themed welcome mats. The woman was asking the man if he remembered what their current Christmas mat looked like and was wondering out loud if they should get this cute one instead. Um, if you already own a Christmas welcome mat do you really need another one? Then you’re just bringing your old mat to Goodwill and the cycle starts all over again.