I took my kids to the playground on a weekday afternoon last week. I sat on the bench in the cold air hoping the sun would warm me up a little and had a realization: I am no longer needed here.

This new phase of life has really snuck up on me. There were many years of my life where my days were a constant shuffle of playgrounds. I remember exulting in my freedom when the kids were both old enough to explore the playground on their own and I was able to supervise from the bench. At some point I started bringing a book, and that felt like the peak of luxury.

And now I’m just extraneous. The kids don’t even need me to walk them back and forth anymore.

Am I ready for this?

Two days later they wanted to go back to the playground. I was coming down with a cold. Ugh, I didn’t want to go to the damn playground. But I recalled that moment of clarity in the sun and I told them they could go together without me. I reminded myself that this wasn’t the end: I could still choose to go to the playground with them some days. If I want to.

They went to the playground. I sat on the couch for a while and then slowly made dinner. They came back safely in time for the family meal.

I think I will get used to this.