Dear Employer:

The only thing you really need to know about me is that I am very competent.

Really, that’s it. I’m pretty sure I could do almost any job that doesn’t require a master’s degree as long as you’re willing to give me a couple weeks of training.

Am I a good team member? Yes.
Am I a good problem solver? Yes.
Can I use Microsoft Excel? Yes.
Really, even pivot tables? Yes!

I’m not sure why my applications keep getting rejected by the robots as soon as the job listing closes. These cover letters are carefully crafted to best enumerate my skills, experience, and interest in the job. My resume is bursting at the seams with action verbs.

Am I underqualified? Overqualified? I truly cannot guess.

Perhaps there are some keywords that I am missing? Could you tell me what they are? Leadership? Thesis? Fellowship? Oh! Digitization?

Is it my LinkedIn? I’m sorry, I truly don’t understand why it would matter for me to connect to my friend who is a veterinarian in Boston. I am not applying for jobs in Boston, nor am I applying for veterinarian jobs. But okay, if that’s what you want.

Really, the only thing you need to know is that I’m competent. Just show me which hoop to jump through to prove it.

Sincerely,

Casey